


i will hold on to you

by proofinyou



Series: all at once, this is enough [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Christmas, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-14 14:21:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13009680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proofinyou/pseuds/proofinyou
Summary: Maggie has a hard time with the Christmas holiday and Alex is there to help her through it.





	i will hold on to you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jiemba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiemba/gifts).



Alex notices a shift in Maggie’s demeanor as soon as December hits. Maggie’s practically living at the precinct, staying late, seemingly burying herself in work. She’s distant and subdued when they’re at home, but insists that everything is fine. Says she’s just stressed about a case and doesn’t divulge further.

This goes on for three days before Alex realizes what’s eating at Maggie. _Three days too long_ , Alex thinks.

They’re out shopping on a Saturday afternoon, along with the rest of National City, trying to find a Christmas gift for Eliza, when it dawns on Alex. In the middle of the jewelry section of a bustling department store, Alex pulls Maggie into a hug. She doesn’t let go for a whole minute.

Alex finally pulls away, but Maggie’s arms stay circled around her.

“What was that for?” Maggie asks. “Not that I’m complaining.”

Alex hesitates, knows this isn’t the time or place to have this conversation. She responds with a kiss to Maggie’s cheek, then a shrug. “Just because.”

Alex reaches around for Maggie’s hands and threads them with her own. “Wanna get out of here?”

Relief washes over Maggie, the tension in her shoulders deflating. “Yeah, let’s go.”

It’s no secret that Maggie struggles to talk about her family, tends to only open up about those truths when whiskey and a dark room stand as a buffer. Even then, it’s a rare occurrence. But they’re working on it.

Alex tries to be understanding, tries to imagine what it must feel like for Maggie. The truth is that she doesn’t know and hasn’t endured near the amount of pain that Maggie has - not in this way. But she’s always made a point to reassure Maggie that she’s there to listen, whenever Maggie’s ready.

They trek through the crowded parking lot toward Maggie’s bike, dodging impatient drivers and families with armfuls of shopping bags. Alex kicks herself for not cluing in on Maggie’s tells sooner.

Instead of going home, Alex suggests that they head to one of Maggie’s favorite cafes for an early dinner. Maggie lights up at that. She’s less quiet as they eat hearty salads and snack on hummus and pretzels. She looks more relaxed than she has all week.

Before they leave, Maggie talks Alex into ordering a protein smoothie for them to share - the one that has kale listed in the ingredients. Even though they both know Alex actually likes how it tastes, Maggie doubles over laughing as Alex feigns disgust at her first sip.

+

It’s chilly outside, but it’s a nice evening. Alex and Maggie agree that a visit to the promenade is a much better way to spend a rare night off than being held up back at the mall battling holiday crowds.

They walk together, hand-in-hand in a comfortable silence, eventually stopping at one of the better spots overlooking the water. A breeze has picked up and the sun has almost disappeared. Right on cue, lantern lights turn on around them, lining the waterfront. They zip up their jackets and lean against the railing. Alex slips an arm around Maggie’s waist and draws her closer, for the warmth and for everything else unsaid.

Maggie looks out at the water, her mind visibly elsewhere. Her voice is faint when she says, “Christmas is, uh- it’s tough for me.”

Alex’s heart sinks - feels a bit like it’s been ripped from her chest - but she’s also relieved that Maggie arrived here on her own. She knows Maggie needs to talk about this, but the idea of coaxing it out of her felt like prodding, and that’s the last thing Alex wanted to do.

She elects not to say anything in response, only rests her head against Maggie’s and waits for her to continue.

“It’s so stupid,” Maggie says, her tone going flat. “I still think about my family, our traditions, and how everything was before. Every year. Never fails.”

“Maggie,” Alex eases, waits for Maggie to face her. “There’s nothing wrong with remembering the good. Nothing wrong with wanting to, either.”

“Yeah,” Maggie sighs, her brow furrowing. “I guess that’s the thing: it isn’t ever just the good. It’s the good and then it’s the bad and all the worst parts. It’s reliving everything all over again. Being consumed by that.”

Alex nods, desperately wanting to help Maggie through this, but unsure of what words will do that. “I’m so sorry, Maggie.”

That’s when Maggie breaks, her eyes welling up. She worries at her bottom lip and looks past Alex, clearly trying to maintain a certain level of composure but it’s no use.

“Babe,” Alex says. She feels her own tears coming, too. “Come here.”

Alex kisses Maggie’s forehead and hugs her neck and Maggie burrows into Alex. Maggie feels small and fragile in her arms, but Alex knows the strength, the bravery, in her vulnerability.

They stay that way for a while. Alex holds Maggie as she cries, holds her until she’s not trembling anymore, until she’s steady again.

For the next couple of hours, they walk and walk and walk. Maggie speaks fondly of her family’s holiday traditions, those long gone from her life. She shares the heartache of living without them for more years than she lived with them.

Alex hears everything Maggie says. She keeps her close, wants to surround her with all the love she has to give.

+

Later that night they’re lying awake in bed, both tired but unable to sleep. Maggie is snuggled up next to Alex under the covers, one arm resting across Alex’s stomach.

Alex is staring up at the ceiling, wondering if today helped or made things worse for Maggie, when Maggie whispers, “Alex?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you,” Maggie says, and Alex lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding in. “Today was hard, but I needed it. It was … therapeutic.”

“I’m so glad,” Alex says. She shifts onto her side, head propped up on her hand. “I’m here for you. For all of it.”

Maggie nods at Alex, a shy smile playing at her lips. “Christmas might always be a little weird for me, but I want to enjoy it. With you.”

Alex grins, brushes her fingers through Maggie’s hair. “I think this means we need a tree?”

Maggie laughs, captures Alex’s hand and presses a kiss to it. “I think it does.”

+

They pick out a Christmas tree the next day. It’s not a real tree, and it’s not a big tree, but it’s theirs.

**Author's Note:**

> To my Supergirl Secret Santa recipient: I hope this is the kind of thing you were looking for and I hope you have a wonderful holiday! There's also a second part to this if you're interested in some Christmas fluff.
> 
> Title from New Year's Day by Taylor Swift.


End file.
